The months following my last post were… wow. Really hard. Health issues flared up for weeks, and then the fatigue just hung on and on and on and and and…
I realized only recently that my two year depression-free streak had ended. Denied it for quite some time, but there it was. As I said before, this is part of my natural cycle; what made it so difficult to recognize was 1) I was (perhaps a bit overly) invested in keeping up my ‘streak’, and yet 2) I also wasn’t struggling with it like I always have before. That second reason is confirmation for me that my sense of self acceptance has gotten quite strong — although I declined to label it as depression, I did in fact recognize it as a ‘normal’ part of who I am.
There’s a fine line between acceptance and apathy, but over the years I’ve gotten pretty good at discerning when it was time for me to move on and start pushing myself forward again. Been doing that, gently, for about a month now. There have been good but still low energy days here and there, but yesterday I had an incredibly good day – physically and emotionally – and today’s the same. It’s too early to call it an upward trend, but … yeah. I can nudge myself in that direction and hope it’ll take.
Once I know for certain this is a trend and not just an isolated phenomenon, this is how I’ll feel:
Until then I will remain cautiously optimistic. If the fatigue (or a flare up) returns, at least I had a few very enjoyable days.
By the way, here’s what I listen to when I’m feeling productive:
Have it playing – loudly – right now, in fact. It’s an eclectic collection of good beats and sometimes iffy lyrics. You’ve been warned. =-)